On November 7, I turned 27.
While my big sis freaked out (cuz it makes her feel much older and, when did I grow up?) and my mom tried to pretend she remembers the year I was born, I grew a number older nonetheless.
And instead of thinking of all the things I gained during the past insane year, here’s a list of everything I lost:
time to kill
I’ve always been obsessed with the concept of time and how time is killing us and not the other way around and I can’t stand anyone saying they have time to kill because no, honey. You’re the one dying here. BUT now my obsession with time is more controlled and I strategically plan every minute of every day, so much so that even unplanned time to “spend” (not kill) is planned, too. No time to waste, kids. 30 is around the corner.
money to blow
This one is a little tricky: I have more money than I did before, but I have way less money to spend, and only because I have much more to save/plan for. I don’t randomly shop anymore. I try to plan every dime I spend. So I go by the concept of feeling like you have no money, and I’m still working on finding the best fit for me.
a bleeding heart
I’ve finally, FINALLY, overcome the phase of hurting over all the past memories, the people I hurt as a teenager, the pain of past mistakes. If you know me, you’ll know I really can’t get over things. But I’m happy to report that the day has come. I’m over it. All of it.
things to hoard
I don’t keep random things anymore. I used to save everything from notes passed in the 7th grade to college textbooks. Now, everything must go. Out with the old, out with the new (if it’s useless)
shoes I don’t wear
This is HUGE for me. I NO LONGER BUY/KEEP SHOES THAT I DON’T WEAR. Even if they’re pretty! (well, this is not 100% true YET)…FINE. WORK IN PROGRESS. COME BACK LATER.
friends I don’t need
I only keep people who add value to me (not material value, and if material value even crossed your mind: what are you doing here reading this? leave.) We grow up and have little time and little energy and all of that is precious and it deserves to go to people who add to you and to whom you add in return. I’m sure the other billions of people in the world are amazing, but I really like the 10 people I call close friends, thank you very much.
places I don’t want to be
I have an entire list (mental) of places I hate being in and/or going to and I just don’t anymore. And I’m very honest about it. I’ll tell you know if you ever propose one of them. It can be because of the crowd there, the vibe, what is has to offer, the distance (mostly) – I’ll tell you why, but it’s gonna have to be a no, love.
I no longer hope for things to happen. I work on making it happen. And if they don’t happen: NEXT! This is much harder to maintain than everything else but it’s the most crucial to me. NEXTTTT.
negative internal dialogue
I made a promise to myself, sitting by the beach in Oman as I turned 27, not to be my worst critic and enemy anymore. I love me. I know what I know, I love what I love, I am who I am, and I have to forgive myself and love myself and laugh at myself – all the time. No more hurting me. No more feeling like I failed me. No more punishing me.
This was written from my heart to yours – so share what you have, too.
Love & light,